Thursday, May 17, 2012

Karma Chameleon

Bugs are a real issue in my life.  Both the insect and human kind.  For instance, I had a lovely theatre friend contact me tonight while I was napping on the deck, and we were texting back and forth, and it was such a great "catch-up" and I was wishing him well, and then ....

A big ass black bug flew directly into my mouth and down my throat.

I didn't have time to hock a lugey or heave it back up.  It set a course for my gizzards and didn't stop until it got there.  I was freaked.

I know that there are a certain amount of bug legs and feet that we consume in canned foods and restaurant meals, but to have that type of direct contact was unnerving.

And it's not even my biggest bug problem.  I have some type of moth/fly thing in my pantry that won't go away, no matter how many times I Dust-Bust them.  Also, tonight, while I was lying in bed, a love bug was zooming around my head like the Red Baron.  Where the hell did a love bug come from?!  I thought they only conducted suicide missions on highways.

I have to wonder if it's all related.  Are the bugs angry because they lost their trees?  I think so.

The trees are gone-ish.  Two were cut down to the bone, and one was just shaved.  It all began about 8:00 a.m. on Monday, when I received this cryptic message:

So, let's break it down.  First of all, I don't speak this language.  Second of all, it was 8:00 a.m., so even if I did speak tree people, I certainly did not have all my faculties about me at that moment.  I hit save and decided my husband could handle it later.

But that was not to be.  At 10:00 a.m., I was sitting at my computer in my pajamas (no upper chest support-wear, if you catch my drift), when my dogs started howling.  Before I knew it, there was a crew of Swamp People-inspired men in my backyard, smoking cigarettes and yelling about trunks and shovelling my dogs' poo.  Hiding under my desk, I grabbed the phone and called my husband's office:

Gina: "PES, can I help you?"
Me: "Hi Gina, it's Alison.  Can I speak to Travis?"
Gina: "He's not in his office, can he call you back?"
Me: "Yes, but it's important."
Gina: "Well, since I only hear from you about once a year, I would assume so."

Gina just gave me the burn!  But she didn't realize there was a homicide occurring in my back yard, so I let it slide.

My husband did come home, and told the men that it wasn't good practice to start chopping stuff down without knocking on the door and letting the lady of the house know.  So, they were extra careful after that, even chasing me down the cul-de-sac in their little bullfrogdozerthingey to make sure I wasn't leaving without paying the bill.

This is the carcass of the tree that was murdered.  

And this is the tree that my husband "saved" but castrated for me.

Karma isn't going to let this one go.  I think the bug ingestion was just the tip of the iceberg.  I don't know what is going to happen next, but I suspect it will involve my hair and katydids. 

Until next time, keep crowin' and start giving out good karma!

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