You Probably Think This Post Is About You

My dear friend, who I shall not name but affectionately call Sugar Mama because she and her family are unceasingly generous to me, would like to write a blog. She has the makings of an award-winning column, or at least a starring role on the next Real Housewives series. But, alas, she is afraid to write because, just like "The Terrible Awful Thing" in The Help, people will read between the lines and realize that it was they that ate the shit pie.

So, today babe, this one's for you.

I'm going to lead up to this story by giving you some background. Imagine a world where you must duck inside speed boats to avoid a cocaine bust ... of which you were not privy to until 30 seconds before. A world where baby leopards swim in pools with toddlers and house guests have eaten the lotus flower and think your home is actually a full-service Ritz. A world where people don't give you the time of day until you pick up a guitar in your St. John original and sing Margaritaville with more sex and panache than Fiona Apple.

This is the world in which my friend lives and overcomes.  

She is highly educated and thus, can hold court with all of her husband's clients, not only engaging them in a meeting of the minds, but also throwing them a few nods and winks that elicit more excitement in them than they've had in years. She knows how to work the room. And you want her on that wall. You NEED her on that wall.  Thus, over the years, she has helped the family business grow and become a wonder to behold.

Recently, she was at a cocktail party with her husband, her brother-in-law, and his wife. It was her brother-in-law's territory, but it quickly became clear that there was a lot of ground to cover. Pushing up her sleeves, my friend dug in and did what she does best - closed the deal.  In return, she received snarky comments from her in-laws, such as "Let the men do their jobs" and "Guess your wife doesn't think I work very hard."  

Good times. It all rolls back into the SAHM vs. WOHM debate. If you are a Stay At Home Mom, do you have the right to involve yourself in your partner's business - or do you have the obligation to do so?  If you are a Work Outside the Home Mom, do you have time to stand by your man?  Is it OK to be either a SAHM or a WOHM?  Which one is the better mom and wife?  Which one should be condemned to hell?

Well, I have the answer, and it is, "We all need wine at 5:00 p.m." I have been a WAAOHM (Work At Home AND Outside Home Mom) for 11 of the 12 years that I have been a parent.  And I was a SAHM for one year. And guess what? There is no one good answer. Because no matter what we do, we're going to feel guilty anyway.

But my friend knows that while she is figuring out her life's path, that her commitment to her husband is intact, and he knows she has his back. She is the Yin to his Yang, and that's why he's lucky to have her. She wore the dress, got the gig, took the abuse, and looked fabulous doing it. And while her in-laws turn their heads and pretend that the mail-order crabcakes came from the bankrupt son, she knows, and they know, and we all know, that cream rises to the top, and their poo does stink, just like everyone else's.

So here's to the women who aren't afraid to crow, and to the ones who leave space for their friends and partners to crow too.  And remember the next time you judge someone, that they may be answering someone's prayer, and it isn't all about you.

Until next time, keep crowin'!