Wednesday, July 25, 2012

You Can Put a Dress on a Pig ...

I saw an oinker of a show recently, made worse by the fact that I dragged my family along.  I thought it would be a story my kids and niece would enjoy, and hopefully my husband and brother-in-law too, but there was no hiding the fact that it was simply the worst theater production ever encountered by a human being.

It was eternally long, the room was hot, and it was replete with monotony and tragic performances.  I can't blame the actors.  They clearly did everything the director had asked of them, with big smiles on their faces. The choreography was straight out of a Barney video and with two exceptions, the characters were all portrayed exactly the same way - one-dimensional with a cockney accent.  It was misery to watch.  Just when you thought it had to be, please God let it be, over and couldn't get any worse, out came another ballad or jazz hands that made me want to roll on the floor and scream.

Many people left at intermission, but I could not as I was judging the show for the theatre awards program - of which I am President.  I was very tempted to go, if for no other reason than to save my family from further pain.

But I stayed.  Why?  Why do we do needlessly suffer?  Why did I sacrifice my loved ones for the sake of the arts?  Why didn't I storm the stage and put the director in a headlock until she promised to never work in this town again?

The answer is because I'm a lady.

And a lady tolerates the intolerable.  She goes to tea with women she hates, and tells them they have lovely shoes.  She volunteers to help over-privileged children in resource-rich schools, and pats herself on the back for it.  She smiles at the mothers whose daughters have reduced her child to tears, and asks them when can we get together again.  She tells her boss it is absolutely fine to pimp her out to do free work for other people.  And she drinks more than is acceptable in polite company.

Yes, my friends, I'm a lady.  So I sat through that damn travesty of a performance, as I am a firm believer that you pick your battles.  And while I knew it was the pits, I played along, because the show must go on. 

BUT, I do need satisfaction for this injustice, so watch out.  You never know who or what could be the straw that breaks this camel's back.

Until then, keep crowin' and watch out for well-dressed swine.

No comments:

Post a Comment