It has been one month and one day since I have written anything, and that is wrong for so many reasons. It means I haven't made time for it, haven't been inspired, or haven't found myself that interesting.
I will say that life has overwhelmed me the last month. It is very hard to re-enter the Earth's atmosphere after a zen-like, Utopian week of Spring Break. We have a place we go that is truly my Disney World. No people, no cars, no schedules. I wish everyone could have that type of escape.
Coming back to the real world was shocking. Like having your hair pulled out by your roots during a deep sleep. I really am ready to retire, but since my kids are only 13 and 10, that's not an option.
I hit a few walls upon re-entry, and re-evaluated some things. The older I get, the more often I have these "what needs fixing" talks with myself. So, I looked at work, volunteer, and miscellaneous.
I can't quit work because it is part of the household income. But, I was letting work dictate my schedule, rather than the other way around. Being self-employed is great, until you realize you never clock out. For instance, my biggest client sent me an assignment at 5:00 p.m. one day for an entire web site project that was due by the following morning.
Did I stay up until 1:00 a.m. to finish it? Yes, I did.
But, I 'yam what I 'yam. Can't help it. However, I can complain about it and get some more money for it, which I did. And then I created a production request system so that it wouldn't happen again.
Another wall was my volunteer work. This year, I was in charge of the food/supply drives at my son's elementary school. We collected items for underprivileged students in our area, and it was the best volunteer job I've ever had. I met some amazing people - the librarian who ran a book fair all by herself, the assistant principal who started a food pantry for his families, the students who saw us roll in boxes and got excited about soup.
I loved this job, but the loading, sorting and hauling was killing my back. And after 11 visits to physical therapy, my insurance company cut me off because, according to them, I wasn't getting better. Or, maybe they thought I was pathetic. Either way, I had to give up the heavy lifting.
Then there was my Presidency with the theater awards group. As is so often the case in my life, what began as a hobby became a career, and suddenly I'm in charge. I stepped up to the plate because someone else was having a nervous breakdown. But, they are doing better now, and so I rinsed off the plate and handed it back. No more Presidency.
As for the miscellaneous, well, I'm working on it. I realize I am a flawed human being. Every day, I wake up and tell myself, "Let's do better today." Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. And sometimes God or Karma or Publix step in to remind me to try harder. Like when the cashier said to me after scanning my purchases, "Wine is wine, right? Doesn't matter how much it costs if it tastes good."
I didn't know a person with a custom wheelchair seat and meth-induced drawl could also moonlight as a sommelier, but far be it from me to judge. Must be one of those Up With People programs.
At any rate, I have every intention of getting my groove back. Not sure how I will do it, but it's on the agenda. And if I'm smart, it will be a top priority.
Until then, keep crowin' and don't lose sight of yourself.