Saturday, December 8, 2012

No One is Safe

You think, "It won't happen in my neighborhood"  or "Things like that only go down in the ghetto."  But today, I learned the all-too-scary reality that crime exists in even the best communities.

I am very sorry to report the murder of these elves, snowmen, and penguins.

I stumbled upon the crime scene as I was driving away from my son's elementary school.  My initial reaction was disbelief, followed by fear, and then anger.  Someone had, in broad daylight, conducted a massive, suburban, drive-by execution.

Not on my watch, people.  

I am going to contact the local news affiliates so that they can alert each and every neighborhood watch and give this crime a proper name, like The Christmas Massacre or Terror in Tinseltown.  We're going to get witness statements on YouTube, and maybe do a few remixes of their best comments.  Merchandise will be sold, and justice will be served.

Of course, there is a very small chance that these people simply deflated their lawn puppets until evening --- but why?  Who would pull down Santa Claus' pants?  Doesn't it scare the children to see the village alive one night and then flaccid and pale in the grass the next day?

The magic is the thing.

I am totally into the magic this year.  My son and I have put together a light show in front of our house that I am sure will receive magazine coverage - maybe Southern Living.

My house ablaze

And then there is my tree.  I promised that this 40-year-old fake tree would be amazing ....

Like puttin' a dress on a pig ....

There is no harsh reality in my Christmas world.  It's Charlie Brown, it's Will Ferrell, it's Chevy Chase, it's Frosty and The Forgotten Toys. 

This holiday, I encourage you to bring joy to the table - don't be the jerk that pops the Baby Jesus balloon.

Until next time, keep crowin' and keep the magic alive!

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